Strength in Sorrow

As a runner you meet so many people of different backgrounds, strengths, and abilities. With this comes athletes with different levels of love and commitment for the sport. Running, especially in college for four years is not for everyone and depending on the coach and atmosphere that can change for the better or for the worse. 

Cross country could be considered an individual sport, more so than a game like soccer, which allows everyone to run the distance they need to meet their individual mileage at the pace that is appropriate for them. However, if you get on the start line only thinking about yourself and not having your team in your heart and mind, that race gets so much harder. The support of your team is something that is so important, especially in a sport that is so mental. That is where my gratitude for the men's cross team comes in. 

You can imagine that when everyone comes in with different abilities and strengths, the paces will be different and not everyone will be able to run together. However, on a team where that element of support is important that should be the one reason that the team does not run together. A runner should not get left behind because they value running more than another member of the team. Or because they beat another teammate during a race or workout. Or because they broke a record and got extra attention from a coach. Those are things that that runner cannot help and should not suffer because of. 

When a runner does get outcasted because of those things, the sport becomes so much harder. Waking up at 6:30 AM for hard workouts becomes so much harder because you are dreading going to go run alone with no team encouragement. Team bus rides become a painful social experience because everyone is talking to one another and not including you. Big running accomplishments become a little less special because you have no one to celebrate with. Quitting the team just to not have to deal with the stress of not being included even crosses your mind. 

However, when the men's side of the team steps in and starts to include you then things get a little better. They allow you to use your anger as strength because as a girl you have to work harder to run with the men, especially in a division one setting. Thinking about how you aren't being included with the women but knowing you are working so hard that it will be hard for them not to notice is a rather satisfying feeling. 

Now, I know what you're thinking, why not try to make an effort? Address the differences between myself and my teammates, just change and try to fit in. Or maybe you're wondering what even started this whole dilemma in the first place. But the truth is, the underlying issue is unknown by most and it has just been a downward spiral for the last few years. We have tried everything from hanging out outside of practice, addressing the issues formally with coaching staff, and trying to come in to the season with an open mind. But I guess I am just not good enough for them.

As sad and cliché as it sounds, I think it may be true. I'm not good enough for them because I don't know how to dislike the sport and authority as much as they do. I'm not good enough for them because I choose not to drink in season. I'm not good enough for them because I "try too hard" during practice and draw attention to myself. But I have just been trying to do me and I guess they just aren't good enough to see that. 

I have grown so much as a person and a runner due to this experience. I have been able to learn how to be totally self-sufficient when it comes to racing and practicing. It allowed for me to strengthen my mental game and learn from my mistakes and after months of wondering what was wrong with me, I learned that it wasn't my fault and I have the men's side to thank for that. They took me under their wing which was super nice because I know how guys feel about always having that "clingy" girl around. However, my college experience would not be the same without them. They're the reason that I get excited to go on two hour long runs. They're the ones that are there encouraging me when we're all dying out on the track during hard workouts. They're the ones that are there for me after a great race, waiting for me to join them on their cool down. 

So, long story short, I want to thank all of the men on my team for being a true gentlemen and turning a young runner's mindset from weak and wanting to quit to strong and never wanting the experience to end. Thank you for being there for me and listening to my problems on a run even when you might not want to. Thank you for letting me tag along on all of your activities and even ruin some of your manly pictures. I promise you that you have all changed my life in a way that you may never know. So, thank you and keep being you!

- Anonymous