How I Motivate Myself Despite Having No Support

Hey there, my name is Carlos Alvarez and I am a sophomore XC and TF runner. I've never had anyone to support me when it came to my athletic career, but I learned from my hardships. I hope that in sharing my story and struggles, I can inspire others to be strong and appreciate the support they have which is something most take for granted.

My story starts in 8th grade. I was a short, scrawny, and nonathletic kid who decided to join the Cross Country team. I instantly fell in love with the sport. The same couldn't be said about my family. They saw it as a stupid waste of time and tried to get me to quit it several times. Additionally, the team was huge and we had a single coach who couldn't give his time and attention to everyone, which meant I hardly ever spoke to him.On top of that, the top runners loved to discourage me, taunting me, saying I'd never be able to be as fast as they were.
I often felt like giving up and straight quitting, because it honestly felt like I had no reason, no one to run for. That's when I learned my first lesson. You don't run for anyone but yourself. I had a fiery passion for the sport. Yet is wasn't to make anyone proud, but rather to prove everyone wrong. I saw every taunt, every insult, every
discouragement as an opportunity to prove myself. I slowly worked my way to the top of my team and I earned the respect of both my peers and my coach.

Flash-forward to the summer before freshman year. New school, new team, and a new perspective. I found myself surrounded by supportive upperclassmen and a supportive coach who filled the void that my parents left. The team's support helped me get to a level of running I never thought possible for me. I truly felt like a part of a collective whole, part of something greater than me, I felt supported. My parents never came to a race (and still haven't) but seeing my coach and teammates on the sidelines cheering made up for that. That track season, I was able to hit a 4:38 mile time thanks to this support. Sadly, things didn't last like this. While my running career was going great, so was my musical career. I'm a solo pianist and starting my freshman year, I began to have public concerts and other events which made me miss practice occasionally. At first, my coach was all for it. He was proud of me to be able to be good at 2 things. But his support left just as soon as it came.

This brings us to my Sophomore Cross Country Season. The supportive upperclassmen had graduated and their replacements didn't care much for building a sense of team pride. It became a sort of "every man for himself" mentality. I began to miss a lot more days for music as I was picking up traction within my community. The coach was disappointed in me for not being loyal to the sport. I understood the coach and I tried my best to be as committed as possible. It wasn't until coach stopped being disappointed that I realized I lost his support.

He simply didn't care whether I was there or not. I still pushed hard for a great season, PR'd often, and worked hard to earn my coaches support back. Sadly, things only got worse. He started pulling me out of invitationals even though my times qualified me to compete. It got to the point where he openly told me that he'd rather see me quit the team than stay on. It was disheartening to hear that the coach who became almost like a father figure to me doesn't want me there. Here, I learned another lesson; appreciate every ounce of support you get, because you never know when that support will end.

The coach began to haze me, disregarding my presence, avoiding talking to me. But I pushed to reclaim his respect, making my way to being the #8 runner and onto varsity by the end of the season. The league meet was coming up and he announced the top 12 runners who would run. I wasn't on the list. I talked to him and he made a deal with me; if I was able to make it to #7 by the next meet, I would run league. When the day of the race came along, I ran a PR and got my placing on the team down to #6. I was ecstatic as I thought that I had finally proven myself to a coach that had written me off as nothing. That night, we came back from the meet and the coach pulled me aside for a talk. He told me he wasn't gonna let me run. He gave it to Logan, saying that he deserves that spot more than I do. I was emotionally destroyed. Not only had my coach pulled me out of a race that I earned, he lied to me. I felt betrayed, deceived,and most importantly, alone. In this dark time I learned another lesson; you have no control over the situations you're dealt in life, but you can control how you can respond and grow from them.

I made a decision that day. I was going to make coach regret not putting me on the team. Even though my cross season was over, I wasn't done training. I set out to train hard enough until he had to acknowledge me. And that's exactly what I did. Every day I was the first one out on the track and the last to leave. Off-season training hadn't started yet, so I was training with the top runners that coach decided to take to League and State. They all questioned my being there, asking me why I hadn't just outright quit at that point, them too writing me off for a delusional stubborn runner. That it, until I started leading their workouts, and beating them in their time trails. No one recognized the work I did but I learned something from it. The only person you need to make proud is yourself. Making others proud is a great thing to strive for in life but at the end of the day, as long as you're proud of yourself, you've done your job.

And that brings us to present day. I would talk about track season but that's been effectively cancelled due to the corona virus.Through my many trials and tribulations, I've made several friends on and off the track who are there for me and have helped shape the person I am today. As a person who doesn't open up much, writing this wasn't easy. But I hope that whoever reads this can appreciate what they have. I've seen it happen too many times where people, on and off the track, take the supporting people in their life for granted. And for all the runners that have gone through or are going through what I've gone through, I want you to know that you're are strong. Stronger than you think. Hold your head up high because you've earned every right to do so. And remember, you are not alone.

- Carlos Alvarez