You Are Your Worst Enemy.

This isn't going to be a success story. It's about me, and I'm a below average runner. My PR is only 18:02, and I'm doing this sport for the 5th season now, as a senior in high school. 

At the time I'm writing this, it's about halfway through season. An 18:02 may be good to some people, horrible to others. But get this: I ran an 18:21 my junior year. This year, I got a new coach, who's more experienced, pushes us athletes more, and does more than just give us our runs. I worked harder than ever all summer long, only to improve by 19 seconds. 

It was a struggle for me after my second race to realize that I wasn't as good as I thought I was. I've wanted to be a varsity runner so bad throughout all of my high school career, but I'm not. I realized this after completing my second meet of this season at 18:15: I wasn't going to make varsity. I wasn't good enough.

That put me down. And for the most part, I still struggle with it. 

I'm the kind of person to beat themselves up. Everything that goes wrong, I blame myself. I'm consciously aware of this, yet I do it anyway. But today I realized, while it may sound cheesy and overused, it's not untrue: sometimes, you really are your worst enemy. Your biggest rival. The antagonist to your own story. But after running 18:02 and beating my PR by 13 seconds, I realized that the most important thing is self improvement. 

Yes, competition with others matters. It definitely does, and don't let anybody tell you that life isn't a competition. It really is. But also, celebrate beating your own personal bests. It's not worth it to be sad despite performing better than you ever had. 

I'm still struggling mentally to stay strong. But I hope to those reading this who are, to get better. To those who aren't, to never suffer from this. Because this sport is a test of heart, a test of will. And yet, here we are, every day. 

Still running.

- Jason Ta (@jasonta560)