to the wind beneath my wings.
I’ve written this piece countless times, and I cannot find the right words each time. How can you put into words the gratitude you feel for someone you never thought would impact you as much as they did?
When you’re on any sort of team, the coach is the person each and every participant looks to. They look to them for instruction, for advice, for feedback (even though it may not be positive feedback). A coach makes a team. They drive the athletes to be the best versions of themselves. Sometimes, they become like a third parent. You want to make them proud, to have them clap you on the back and say ‘good job, kid’.
That isn’t to say that all coaches are inspiring. Some are the opposite. But if you’re lucky, you get one that changes your life as a runner and as a person. A good coach makes you a better runner; a great coach makes you a better human.
My coach was a state champion runner. I didn’t think she could understand me or why I wanted to be a runner. I was the opposite of her. I wasn’t fast at all, and I don’t think even I knew why I wanted to be a runner, but I knew I couldn’t quit even though I was miserable. I felt trapped. I felt trapped by my parents’ marriage and because of that I felt trapped in everything that I did. I was floating midair instead of running towards something.
My coach and I had our ups and downs, as most do. We were so alike that we budded heads, even if we didn’t see it at the time. When we were on the ups, she opened my eyes to possibility. She showed me that I could get up off the ground and run. I could run as fast as I wanted to. There wasn’t anything stopping me but me.
Life is too short to dwell on the things that don’t matter, she had said to me. And those words have stayed with me ever since. You cannot dwell on the bad races, on fights, on the bad times. All you can do is run away from the bad and run towards the good. You have to run away from the person you were towards the person that you want to be.
Five months later, my coach handed me a ‘Most Improved’ plaque. I went from 31s to 26s. I hadn’t become a state runner. But I was standing there with a better attitude, and I loved what I was doing because it made me feel powerful. It was the first time I had gotten something that wasn’t a participation award. Even if I couldn’t walk away from the life I was trapped in, I could run away, at least for an hour a day, I was free. I was flying.
I didn’t know who I wanted to be, or what I wanted to become. Maybe that’s a part of growing up, is not knowing. But things change, people come and go, they make you question all these things about yourself. But some people inspire you to be just like them when you grow up. I don’t know what I want to when I grow up, but I do know that I want to run marathons, see the world, and be open to whatever possibilities are thrown my way.
So, to the wind beneath my wings, thank you for making me a better runner and a better person. I cannot imagine having done any of this without you. You’re the heart and soul of who we are, as a team, and as a family.
No matter where I go or what I do, I will carry you and everything you taught me with me. forever and always.
- Stephanie Tan (@stephtango)
