What running does to me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love running. It has taught me many things and has brought me many close friends. Most runners probably have felt this way though, so I’m going to lay it out there. I feel like maybe it hasn’t been the best thing for me. There is a beautiful side to the sport, but there’s the dark side. The side that no one can see or understand except for a runner themselves.

It’s when you’re momentarily proud about the race you just won, then you realize that you still suck and you get back into the bad habits that come with distance running.

It’s going out for a long run just to get away from your feelings and to be able to cry by yourself.

It’s when you get high off the endorphins, but when they fade you realize that it is all fake.

It’s going out to work out in order to get skinnier.

It’s when you come home after working out and still hate your body.

It’s starving yourself and counting your calories to get to your ideal weight for racing. 

It’s where you don’t even want to eat, and you throw away your meals because you don’t look like the “normal runner.”

It’s trying to fight off the eating disorder that is destroying you inside and out.

This is what it has been for me. It has been moments of happiness, then right back to depression. It’s the unhealthy habits that are covered by the mindset that it will help your running, but it’s only hurting yourself. This is the dark side of running, but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

- Anonymous