Death and Lost

Running is something I started way back in elementary. I have been running since the sixth grade. Not enough to make me a legend, actually not even enough to be considered a prodigy. My Freshmen year, I placed dead last in our final race of the year. By that standard, I am and will always be the slowest on my team. However, I did not give up. Sophomore year came around, and I was actually on Varsity as our program was in a building phase. I was doing very well until Fall Break came around and screwed with the flow of after school practice. Needless to say, that race during Fall Break was my last because I ran too slow to go to regional, effectively ending my season a week early. Junior year came around.

Now that was enough. I promised myself I was going to stay consistent so that I would not fail the last part of the year. Now, the mistake came when I took Power Weights. The teacher told me, "Oh yeah, do the workout here. Even though you are maxing out, you are just actually getting your muscles ready, like the 100 meter sprinters." Well, 5000m is much different than 100m, and my legs were instantly locked when Regionals came around. I scored last on the team. Track did not go better as well.

I was doing well in Track. Staying consistent every race, it seemed nothing could stop me. About a week out from our expected race, a call comes saying my aunt died. We packed up that very morning and drove. We got back from the funeral just the day before the meet. Since we drove the whole day, my legs were again locked up and I had yet another bad finish to the season. The funeral did much more than just ruin my race. It made me question my faith, as my aunt only seemed to suffer as she was always sick when I saw her. She was also my one and only Godparent. I still use her Beats she gave me as it was her last present she gave me. I wish I could help her, talk to her more, just be there more. Now, I tell myself that I will never know if I have a second chance.

My aunt gave me inspiration to take every chance I could, and never let it go to waste. She was very strong, and I would be lucky to be anywhere near as virtuous as her. Back to running, senior cross country came. I ran a huge PR and one that beat the previous four years of the entire team. However, I thought I found a love and gave my final race away, along with my chance to be the first guy to State in four years, to spend lunch with a girl. I failed again. I had what I wanted, and decided that love was more important. Turns out, she did not like me like I did to her, and she found someone else. 

I still run. I look back and tell myself, Why do I run? I run because it is proof that I am human. I fail, and I would rather fail a thousand times just to ace my final race once. I still keep pushing, knowing that I may not have tomorrow. I still run, knowing full well that I may never find love again. I run because being alone, be it in the front or the back, reminds of the things I have to let go so that I can get faster. My last season is here, and I only have one friend who still runs with me as the others quit or got injured. 

I have lost so much, but I am still here, my heart still beating. And I tell myself that if my heart is still beating, then I am far from finished.

- Luke Schwab ( @VulpesCorvum17 )