Running into and out of depression

It all happened my sophomore year of XC and track. For some reason, i wasn't excited to start XC season that year. I had made it to states for XC the previous year and I had a good track season, even though I didn't think so at the time. I guess it was the depression starting to come in. I had trained intensely that summer for the upcoming season just like I always do, but for some reason, I wasn't enjoying it. I had become obsessed with my workouts, not in a good way though. If I didn't reach a certain time or distance I would be super mad at myself and would have thought the run was a complete waste of time. XC season has started and I was running good times, but my depression had increased and for some reason, I thought I was running like crap. I would dread practice and meets unlike before. I missed my old self, after practice I would just go straight home to my room and lay in bed listening to music until super late at night. The season was getting close to District time and my goal was to qualify for states again. Nobody really knew I was depressed until then. On district day I cracked. My aunt had passes away a few days before and I started crying about everything shortly before I got on the starting line. When went off I jogged, which is what I did for the whole race. You can probably guess that I didn't qualify for states that year. After the race my coach came and talked to me. He told me that he also missed the old me and that he was sorry about my aunt. That made me cry for a second time. Track season season was pretty much the same thing, I was depressed the whole time. This summer though something changed. I snapped out of my funk. I love running again and no I Incorporated more weight training for my training. Just the other day I ran a half marathon on my treadmill which I do quite often and I felt so great and so alive. The old me is back and I can't be more happy about that. I truly believe the way I trained this summer and the people who I trained with help me love running again. This spring I plan on running many road and trail races and i'm really looking forward to it, something I wouldn't have felt a year ago.

- Anonymous