My coach wasn’t great. In fact, I was emotionally abused

I envy runners who get to say their coach is their biggest supporter. That they know their coach will always be there for them and only train them to be the best they can be. Now I’ve had my fair share of different types of coaches. With a huge gymnastics background, I’ve had about every type of coach you can think of. And 99% of the time, we got along great. I came in, did my work, was respectful and got respect in return. Which is exactly how an athlete-coach relationship should be. 

Cross country and track were different. It’s almost unheard of to hear about huge negativity in XC. It’s just such a positive sport overall that it’s shocking to people when I tell them my story. 

Let’s start off with the first time I realized my coach and I had a problem. He threatened to punch me in the middle of a workout. I was literally a 15 year old girl getting threatened physically by a 40 year old man all because I tried to push through an injury in a workout (I mean duh, it’s xc). The whole team heard it. One of the boys who was 2 years older than me stood up for me because I was obviously in shock. The coach apologized, but my parents were livid. I convinced them though that it was okay (I’m the biggest people pleaser ever) and if it happened again we’d report it to the AD. Maybe this was just a one time thing. And referring to physical threats, it was. 

Next came the emotional abuse. My coach would blame me for everything and insult me personally and publicly. I’m all for my coaches yelling at me to run faster, maybe even try harder, but the second it goes from running criticism to personal criticism, that’s where the line has to be drawn. But I didn’t know that. I just kept taking his public ridicules. I would tell my parents and they took it to the AD, and the AD told us it would “be taken care of”. It wasn’t. 

My watch died at practice one day. I needed to leave 10 minutes early that day to get to work on time. While all 80 of us were waiting under the shelter (built for maybe 15 people??) he pulled me to the side to talk to me “privately”. He started yelling so loud, anyone and everyone could recite the words. Because of a simple watch problem, he told me I was the most irresponsible kid he’d ever coached, I was going no where in life, I’d never run in college, and I’d never be a good runner. 

Ouch. Right?! Over my watch dying! The head coach finally stepped in and put a stop to it. For that day at least. 

The next day, while the girls team was having a meeting over drama (that I was not involved in what so ever), he told everyone it was my fault because my personality was too strong and I was annoying. Again, a 40 year old man saying this about a now 16 year old girl. 

This continued EVERY DAY for a total of 4 seasons before I decided to quit. I was done running because of him. He ruined every aspect of the sport for me. 

But, for some reason, I still trained in the summer. By myself. A part of me knew I wasn’t done yet. I had to start seeking therapy for the toll he took on my mental health. But that’s the best decision I’ve ever made. 

I wasn’t going to let him ruin my senior year though. I had huge goals and he certainly wasn’t going to get in the way of them. Since the AD wouldn’t help (he said my claims weren’t believable even though I had witnesses), I had to just bite the bullet and do it. 

I showed up the first day and didn’t look back. I just came to practice, worked hard, talked with my friends, but the one thing I didn’t get was coaching. I didn’t even get cheering in the races from that coach. The other 3 coaches were encouraging though and got me through the season. Not every day was easy, but pushing through senior year truly made me the person I am today. 

Through all the struggles, the success was sweeter. I was 1st team all-league in xc, set a school record in steeplechase, and dropped 14 seconds off of my mile time in track. Senior year was the best I could’ve asked for. I also get the honor of running at a D1 school for the next 4 years. 

So to the coach that (almost) made me quit, I’d just like to say that you put me through hell. I had to see a therapist because of you. I was convinced I was a failure and would get no where in life or as a runner. But I hope now you see that you didn’t break me. You made me stronger. So simultaneously, I’d like to say f*** you... and thank you.

- Anonymous