Running Saved Me.
My world was changed in the third grade when I ran across the finish line of my school's annual 5k fun run. My legs ached, my lungs burned, and I had to pee more than I ever had before. Despite these feelings of pain, I felt better than I had ever felt. I came in third.
That day, I had done something that I had never done before. I had pushed myself past that point that others usually stop at. I had trudged through the aching, burning point where even the most talented athletes stop. I went beyond where talent was needed and crossed into the far more treacherous territory where only a person's will power and mental strength counted. I was never really gifted in any sport requiring hand-eye coordination and I never could quite kick the ball just right. I always struggled to swing the bat at just the right time and tennis balls seemed to actually run away from me. The only special talent I had was my stubbornness. I wouldn't give up. When I discovered running, I finally found a sport that made my hard-headed attitude a strength.
I continued running with my older sister occasionally, always trying to run faster than her. I challenged my friends to races at recess and I always tried my hardest running the mile in P.E. I was hungry for competition. My hunger was satisfied when I finally reached 6th grade and was able to participate on my school's cross country team. I remember coming home from those practices feeling completely spent, my legs sore and my shoulders sun burned. It was the feeling that I had truly given everything I had to give at practice that made all the pain worth it. I hated it during the tough workouts, those tempo runs and mile repeats. What I loved about running was the feeling I got during the runs where you feel you could run forever. I loved the feeling you got after a hard workout or a PR race when you knew you pushed yourself to the breaking point but were strong enough to not break. But the season had to come to an end, and at the end of my 6th grade year, I moved.
I struggled a lot during my move. As a young girl, I began struggling with body image and I hated who I was. I wasn't running and I was going through puberty, so naturally, I gained some weight. It took a great toll on me to feel fat. I began to fall into the dark and dangerous world of eating disorders. I would feel so fat that I would try to starve myself into a slimmer body. I focused less on my health and more on the reflection in the mirror. Once my body couldn't take the inconsistent dieting anymore, I began to binge eat. I felt that all my control was lost. I would binge eat until my stomach hurt and then I would panic and purge the food until I cried hysterically. This cycle happened all of my 7th and 8th grade years. I felt empty inside and I felt that all of my worth was in the number on the scale. I never felt beautiful, I never felt strong, and I never had any pride in myself.
At the end of my 8th grade year, I discovered my future high school's cross country team. I remembered how great I felt my 6th grade year and I wondered if I could ever run again. I felt fat and out of shape and I was reluctant to try. My mom convinced me to go the summer running practice just to try it out. I cried the night before the first practice because I thought my running shorts made me look fat. However, on the first day of practice, I felt excited. Our 2 mile run seemed long to me, but pushing myself through the run lit the familiar fire within my soul. I loved running.
As I started running more and more, I realized that I was never going to be the skinniest girl. My team mates made me feel better about myself because we all focused on being STRONG, not skinny. I started focusing on fueling my body rather than dieting. I started allowing myself more calories and more carbs. I ignored the nutrition facts on my food labels and I just ate to fuel the running machine within me. I noticed that my muscles thrived on a diet high in carbs and low in restriction. I noticed that I had less of an urge to binge on unhealthy food when I properly fueled my body. I accepted weight gain rather than freaking out and starving myself. My new thicker but stronger body was not a source of pain in my life, it was a source of pride as my running improved. Running forced me to focus on health and not on my body fat percentage. Running is what saved me.
As the cross country season went on, I began to form tight bonds with my teammates. They became my sisters. We fed off of each other's motivation and drive. Constant encouragement and love for each other made each of us a stronger runner. I loved learning from older girls on the team and being apart of such a strong family. My coach inspired me every day to be the best I can be without criticizing myself. The size or appearance of our bodies was never even mentioned. I have never loved or valued anything more than running and my team. Running saved me, and maybe it can save you too.
- Anonymous
