Remaining hopeful even in the darkest of times.

I’m a senior in high school, a two time state champion in cross country and the reining 800m state champion for class 6A in Kansas, one of the top 800 meter runners in the state of Kansas for highschool, I’m committed to a college on a scholarship to continue my running career, and I’m surrounded by amazing family and friends. I was coming off a great junior year and incredible summer. I felt invincible and on top of the world going into my senior year, but what seventeen year old doesn’t feel invincible? I had such high hopes going into the school year, not only with running, but with life in general. Once the cross country was in full swing, I was struggling. Workouts and practices for the most part were normal and going swimmingly, but races were an absolute struggle. I would be gassed half a mile into races, which for me is unusual. I didn’t know what was wrong or how to fix it. This continued throughout the whole season and I ended up being an alternate for our State team. My senior year. An alternate. Now, I consider myself more of a middle distance track guy, but going from being a scorer on our state winning team two years ago as a sophomore to an alternate as a senior; it took a really big toll on me. However, there’s only two ways in which I could have handled this. The first scenario would involve me being a selfish teammate and just completely giving up on my team and the rest of the season, but that’s not who I am. So I chose the second option; which was trying to be the best senior leader I knew I was capable of being. I was up in our workouts pushing our younger guys, encouraging our squad during practices, cheering from the side during our regional meet even though I wished more than anything that I could have been running, but most importantly I kept my head up and stayed positive. October 28th was the state meet and we were one of the favorites going in after winning regionals the week before. I believed in our guys and I knew they would get the job done. Now, let me tell you. They. Got. The. Job. Done. We were State Champions once again. But there’s even more. Our girls team, which had been solid all season, placed third and also brought home some hardware! All of their hard work paid off and I couldn’t have been more proud for every single person on both squads. I was finally starting to not completely dread my senior season of cross country which had been a disaster personally, but that was all overshadowed by the success I was able to still be apart of with both teams.

Now that the cross country season was winding down, I was getting more and more excited for track season as I wanted to repeat my title in the 800 as well as do a lot of damage in the mile and 4x4. I had my winter all planned out. I wasn’t playing basketball this year so it was going to be my first year participating in winter conditioning and I was going to put in all the miles and work in order to be more than ready for track. I was hungry for track. Hungry for more success. These were already my thoughts just a day after the state cross country meet. I was ready to get started. However, the following Tuesday on Halloween night, I experienced something I never thought I would. I had gotten home early from practice, as we still had one last meet up in South Dakota. We actually did one of my least favorite workouts that day, but it ended up being one of my better workouts of the season. Practice, the drive home, dinner with my parents, it all felt normal. Nothing new or out of the ordinary. But when I went upstairs to wash up, my world suddenly stopped. I started to hear this outrageously loud buzzing noise in my head, I got extremely light headed, and I felt my legs start to give out from under me. I then collapsed on the bathroom floor right as my sister walked in to the room thankfully as she needed more makeup for her halloween costume. She ran down to get my mom, who was about to leave but was waiting on my sister, and she came upstairs to attend to me. My dad had already left the house as well due to him dropping my other sister off for a halloween party. My mom sat me up against the wall and asked me frantically what was wrong as she was calling 911. At that moment, my eyes started to have this excruciating burning sensation and I started to slur my words and I could not pinpoint what was happening. In less than two minutes of collapsing, I became mute. I could not speak or get any words out and at that point the entire left side of my body was gone. No feeling whatsoever. After my left side went, I knew I was potentially suffering from a stroke (I am in a sports medicine program so I have learned about strokes and am familiar with the signs). Finally the paramedics arrived and did all my vitals but they were not convinced I was having a stroke given my age and good vitals. This was extremely frustrating as I was screaming in my head for them to take me but no words or sounds for that matter could find a way out of my mouth. They were more concerned with the vitals (my vitals were “normal”, but being a high-level athlete, normal vitals are high for me) and age RATHER THAN THE ACTUAL symptoms that were occuring. Finally, they put me on a stretcher and got me loaded up in the first ambulance. I was taken to the nearest hospital where scans were done to determine what was causing all of this to occur. After hours, the doctors finally found a blood clot in my brain that was causing the stroke and administered the TPA medicine, but it had been so long since the stroke first occurred that the TPA did not do hardly anything to reverse the effects. It was determined that I was suffering from a basilar artery stroke, which has an 85% mortality rate I found out weeks later. Another transport team came to take over and get me over to another hospital for emergency surgery. This was the point in which I genuinely started to fear for my life.

The second ambulance ride was when I started to drift in and out of consciousness and go downhill fast so bare with me here, as it’s hard to remember all what was going on and just the fact that this is going to be the hardest part for me to write about. This ride felt like an eternity. I was vomiting profusely as I was strapped in the stretcher laying down (This made vomiting much worse as I remember the EMTs in the back having to use the suction to clean it out of my mouth every time I threw up). Laying there feeling hopeless and still paralyzed throughout the entire side of the left side of my body, I wished that I could just talk to my mom who was sitting in the passenger seat of the ambulance. At some point on this ride, I do remember tears. Tears that made their way down my face. I could only feel them on the right side, but I knew there was a lot slowly making their way down my face. I layed there crying, but with no sound and unable to show any emotion. The last thing I remember before going unconsciousness was my eyes closing and me wondering if I really was going to make it. At this point, I remember just wondering if I would ever see my family and friends again, if I would ever run again, and if this was the end. I was genuinely concerned that I would never see the light of day again and there was nothing I could do. Fast forward two days later, and I woke up to the sight on me in a hospital bed with my parents in my room.

The first couple of days after I woke up from being on a ventilator after emergency surgery because I couldn't breathe on my own for the first two days were rough. I was very sensitive to light and noise, could not quite recall why I was there, and still had very little movement on my left side. However, on that the Saturday, just a little over three days after, I felt like a new person. I started to recall events and I could keep a normal conversation with my parents, the doctors, and everyone who was coming in and out to visit. I was even able to start walking down the hallway with assistance as my balance was off and very weak for quite some time. With much surprise to the doctors, they felt it was time for me to be sent home after just eight days in the hospital. Once out of the hospital I started my 7 week program of therapy and out of patient rehab in order for me to get back to school at the start of second semester. I was able to make tremendous improvements throughout rehab and was able to be released four days before Christmas. After rehab was over, there were still lots of questions as to what caused this event to occur and how to prevent it. However, my biggest question was….”When will I be able to run again?” At first doctors told me that it would be a couple months, and that eventually I would be able to start training again. However, about a week after being released from therapy, I was hit with news that crushed me. The doctors told me that after doing more tests that it was decided that it would not be safe for me to ever run again given the severity of my clotting disorder and the fact that I have a hole in my heart that also raises concerns. I was defeated. I cried the whole car ride home and thought that things couldn’t get any worse but they did. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer though, so my parents were able to get me an appointment with the doctors I needed to see at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. Once up here, more in-depth testing was done and I was finally cleared to begin running back home! It was the news I needed to hear and I finally felt at peace for the first time throughout this whole process.

Now, a little over two months since the stroke initially occurred, I am back running with my team and I’m working so I can get back to competition and repeat my title. In a really dark and twisted way, this has given more motivation to succeed and my whole mindset is completely different. I no longer acknowledge pain. I had to watch as my mom and dad cried in the hospital while I sat there motionless, and I had to acknowledge and accept the fact that my life was almost taken. If those two things aren’t pain enough, then I don’t know what is. I’m ready for this track season. I’m ready for this new challenge and next stage. If everything that happened couldn’t stop me, then nothing can. I simply will not allow anything to keep me down and keep me from success. I found a way to stay up, and I intend on continuing to go up. So to wrap this up, I just want to say that no matter how bad things are in your life, God ALWAYS has a plan. Always instill your trust into him, and he will answer your prayers. He works in mysterious ways. If it weren’t for the man above, my sister just magically remembering she needed makeup before leaving, and the amount of tremendous support from family, friends, and the community, then I wouldn’t have been able to have sat down and write this or make a recovery as quick as I did.

- Anonymous