Cherish the Present Moment

If I could give any advice in life it would be “Love what you are doing every second of your life.”

I grew up in a family that revolved around running. I had 3 older brothers who ran in college, multiple time All-Americans, and marathon Olympic Trials. I started running my senior year of high school and signed to run in college alongside my brother. I imagined that nothing could hold me back from reaching my goals of becoming an All-American in the marathon, but God’s plan was very different than mine.

I have never worked harder in a summer to prepare for an upcoming season- I never missed a single run! Going into college, I had my dreams set high and was so excited because I knew I had done everything I could do to prepare for my freshman season. The first race I placed and ran a huge PB. The next two races went well but then something changed. I continued to run but quickly found myself out of the top 7 and not contributing to my team like I once did. Sand-Shark was the race I knew that something was seriously wrong. I went into the race not feeling great, but I knew I could push through. Within the first 800 meters of the race I could no longer feel my legs and I was so weak and struggling to stay with a pack of girls. My legs felt like I was walking on a thousand nails every single time I took a step. I shook it off after the race but distinctly remember turning to my mom stating that something was terribly wrong.

After this race, I went back to school and finished the season but every race it became a little worse. I got to the point that walking across my hilly campus of 1500 students was a struggle. The last practice I ever went to, we had 1K repeats. It was absolute hell. I was struggling so hard to breathe let alone run. This is when I decided that running was too much to handle and decided to step away for the rest of that year.

The next semester I would fly back and forth from home to school for doctors’ appointments and testing. I even videoed into classes for 3 weeks because I had so many appointments. Every single test that was done came back clear including MS, lupus, and Lyme disease. Frustration was an understatement I decided to move back home after my freshman year because of my health.

Throughout summer, I believed that I was getting healthier and decided to go run for a small school in Kansas. Throughout my sophomore year of college, I knew that I wasn’t completely healthy, but I was getting stronger. My sophomore year had many ups and downs, but I did qualify for outdoor track nationals in the marathon. About one week before nationals, I got sick again and every single problem that I had experienced the year before all came back. Nationals was very hard, difficult, and not at all what I had been dreaming of since I was little.

That was the highlight of my running career- that was it, my sophomore year. I tried to keep running the next two years of college but had to sit out most of the time due to my illness progressively getting worse. Throughout these seasons, there were days I would be elated that I ran 2 miles without stopping or made it one mile and my legs didn’t hurt. There were other days I couldn’t even walk up a flight of stairs. No matter what, I still went to practices and meets. For me it was important to still be a part of this beloved sport although it was very difficult to sit on the sidelines and watch. I tried to make the best out of an awful situation. I wanted to help my teammates as much as I could whether that was me taking times at practices or pulling individuals aside and giving them advice. I would have done anything to line up and compete with them, but I helped the best I knew how.

I tell my story because I know there are so many different emotions that come with running- excitement, intimidation, lack of motivation, and thousands more. Cherish these emotions- you never know when these emotions might not occur again. Practice every practice like it is your last. Run every race like it is your last. And live every day like it is your last. You never know when something you love will be taken away from you, so cherish the present moment to its fullest.

I didn’t know that the 2015 NAIA XC nationals would be my last race in a Milligan uniform, or my sophomore year would be the only time I was able to compete in the national marathon. Throughout all of this I learned that it is okay to not be okay. It’s okay to say you are frustrated with the sport or hate what is happening to you. Trust me, there was so many days I would wake up, cry, scream, and then try to get on with my day. Instead of letting this anger and frustration build up, change it into something positive. For me, this was leaning on my teammates and pouring the knowledge I had learned into them. Yes, I wish things could have gone differently. But I can look back and confidently say that I gave it my all every single day and never once did I give up. This gives me peace, knowing that if I could go back and realize what was going to happen throughout my collegiate career, I wouldn’t change a single thing.

This disease has changed me in many more ways than running alone. It has given me passion for unknown illnesses and autoimmune diseases. If this would not have happened to me, I know my desire to work in the medical field and pour into others with similar situations would not be the same. Life sucks at times but depending on how you deal with something and choosing to overcome it shapes your life into something unimaginably amazing.

- Kaitlynn Ellis (@kaitlynnlellis)