Remember Why You Started.
Like most of you, I am a runner. I love crushing a gut busting workout, I love depriving myself of sweets and junk food, I love drinking so much water that my gut is about to burst, I love new running shoes, talking about running, logging miles, and running fast. What else is there to say? I love running.
Well, at least I used to.
In middle school I ran for fun. I didn't really understand the meaning behind workouts, and I never ran races to the best of my ability. Running was running, I liked it, and I loved the people who did it. I was naturally talented from the get go. Everybody including myself noticed my God given talent, and that helped push me to continue running in high school.
Freshman year came, and I ran cross country. I was just now being introduced to spikes, hydrating correctly, and eating a proper diet. It was like running took a step up from where it had been. I liked how much more competitive it was in high-school, but I didn't really set standards for myself during freshman year. I got out there ran top 3 or 4 on the team every cross country meet, and I enjoyed it. When I got to track season I was introduced to logging miles. I tried to hit about 100 miles every month, but if I didn't it was no big deal.
The summer leading into sophomore year was when running changed. I was expected to hit 150 miles or more every month. I continuously trained hard every single day of the summer. When I went into cross country season sophomore year I was the number one runner on the team. I was a lot faster, and I had set goals for myself. I wanted to qualify for the state meet and place top 20. I did that pretty easily, and I was just now recognizing my potential.
Going into that track season I had gotten a lot more serious. Hitting about 150 miles was a must now. I wanted to qualify for state in the 1600 and 3200. I had big goals and I was more than ready to reach every one of them. Right out of the gates I ran a 3200 and I earned myself the school record. After that I wanted the 1600 record. That one was a little tougher to get, but I was determined. I pushed myself everyday in practice running excess miles before and after practice. Each week went by, and I couldn't hit the mark. I got pretty down on myself. I felt worthless. I couldn't even PR or hit close to my PR in the 3200 at this point, and each day my chances at getting into state got slimmer and slimmer. I continued to push myself to the limits. Halfway through the season I had an ongoing cold I was not able to recover from, and by conference I had pulled my calf muscle. Still, I continued to push myself. I was always exhausted, and I refused to listen to anybody who told me stop pushing it so hard. When I finally got the 1600 meter record it was a sense of relief, but the record didn't give me a spot at state. I was barely in for the 3200, and I continued to try to inch my way in to the 1600 spot. Each time I wasn't able to get it I raced worse and worse, and I was in a pretty bad mindset. When they finally announced the state qualifiers, I was scared I didn't make it for a single event. I somehow made my way into the 3200, and I was seeded second to last. I was angry at myself for letting the 1600 go, but there was nothing I could do besides focus on the 3200. The state meet finally came and I ended up placing 10th. When the season was over I had a lot of reflecting to do. For the upcoming cross country season I decided I was going to have a better mindset, and train smarter.
I trained super hard in the summer leading into my junior year. Some of the best memories of my life came from that cross country season. I was able to prove to myself that I was able to do things I never thought possible. I placed 5th and the state meet, and I cut over a minute off of my PR. The team turned into a family, and everyday was pure bliss.
When cross country ended I started swimming. Once again, I set some pretty hefty goals for the upcoming track season. The only way I knew I could reach them is if I worked super hard. Some days would consist of swimming, running, and lifting weights. My body started to tire, and I felt similar to how I felt in the previous track season. I refused to listen to my body, and I continued to push it. On the way to a morning swim practice I blacked out while driving. A couple of days later I blacked out while running, and cut my knee pretty bad. After that I almost passed out after a race at a swim meet. My parents decided I needed to get my blood tested, and I needed a doctor. I was anemic, and hypoglycemic. I was exerting my body to limits that it was not able to handle. I was forced to take a week off to let my body gain back the lost strength.
During my time off I did a lot of thinking. I realized I was never enjoying what I was doing to myself. I did it because I felt pressure from myself that I had to reach those goals, but I wasn't happy. Running and working out had become more of a chore rather than something that I enjoyed doing. It became something that was just an ordinary thing for me to do, and I forgot the meaning behind all of it. After the week passed I returned to swim practice, and I ran a little, but not as much. Swimming was easier to get through because I had a team, but every single run sucked. It was cold, I was lonely, and I hated running. Those are words that I never thought would come out of my mouth, but I hated it. I didn't want to talk about running, and I hated the thought of running, but I continued to act like a runner. I didn't express my feelings to anybody because I don't know who I am without running. This went on for about 3 weeks.
I then got my wisdom teeth out right after the swim season ended. This forced me to take 5 days off of any exercise. Earlier in the year I had scheduled a college visit, and I was invited to meet the team and the coach as well. About three days after I got my wisdom teeth out I left for the college visit. I was honestly dreading it because I didn't know how to act. When I toured the college I was impressed with how nice it was. I could see myself going to school there. A couple of hours later was meeting the coach and the team. The coach greeted me with a big smile, and talked about the program. He then asked for questions, and I asked some pretty basic questions just to get through it. We then toured the facility, and it was time for practice to start. Everything changed.
Every single athlete walked into practice ready to get after it. They were so so happy, and it felt at home. They all wanted to be there, and they all had found a love for running. This reminded me of what running used to be like for me. I then remembered why I was working so hard. I was working for this. I have always wanted to run in college with people who want to be there. I've wanted people to push me for a very long time, and that is what I had been lacking. I had lost sight of the reason I was pushing myself so hard, and it made me hate it.
When your working extremely hard everyday it is hard to remember why you started and what kept you going. When you're not surrounded by people who aspire to be at the same level that you do it is hard to find the motivation to keep pushing. When I got back from the visit it was so refreshing. Each run felt so much better, I felt lighter, and I was able to go faster. Every runner goes through something hard in their career. Some things might be the cause of the end, but sometimes we just need a reminder.
I was about ready to put the spikes away. I forgot about my long term goals and dreams. Running had lost its meaning for me, and that was the scariest thing that I have been through in a long time. Running is not always going to be something that is enjoyable, but it is the reason why you started that should keep you going. Run often, run long, but never let the meaning of running stray from your heart.
- Anonymous
