An Ode to the Girl Who Told Me I Couldn't

It was weird to think about this girl in this light, as she was not only a great runner and team member, but she was also the light of my life for a while. Three years to be precise! She is smart, funny, has a beautiful smile and has a great mind for analyzing running patterns and comparing states to others. Her laugh and smile would always be enough to motivate me to do my best in every race, no matter how I felt! But for some reason, that laugh and smile would always come back, to her telling me "You can't beat this guy."

Her analytical side always comes out when someone talks about running or famous runners. You can see her eyes light up and her thought process as she explained how something was going to work a certain way and why. It was almost always pin point accurate that it scared people stiff, me included as she would always look at my statistics and then look at me and tell me, "You can't beat this guy. It's physically impossible to beat him."

I personally think myself as a optimistic guy, so I was caught off guard when I saw her look me dead in the eyes and tell me "You won't beat him." She knows that I run based on positive energy, that I run for the people around me, for those that I love and care for. So why would she tell me that I had no chance to beat the guy in front of me? Why tell me that I can't achieve the goal ahead of me no matter how hard I try?

Does she want to see me lose to them? Does she enjoy telling me that I can't? Most likely she is just telling me what is physically can't do. That my body can't take the pressure of moving at those paces because I am not training to get that fast. As much as I want to tell her that I can do this, that I can improve more and surpass the limits put upon me, I know she will slap me with a huge stack of statistics about why I can't do it. No matter how hard I try, she will never let me win this argument. I just simply wish that she would let me run my race.

To add even more confusion, she will always tell me to just run my race with all my heart. I'll look at her and ask, "So can I beat this guy if I just run my race?" She'll look at me and tell me, "No, but you can beat your pr. Do your best and good luck!" I watch as she walks away and think "How is that supposed to encourage me to do my best? Do you think that tell an optimistic runner that he can't do something will help him run better?" I run with that thought in my head almost the entire race. Her voice constantly telling me that I can't. That I can't do it. That there's no use in even trying to beat that person. To just give up.

But then it hits me in the middle of the season. It hits me like Sonic the Hedgehog running face first into a spring and getting sprung off into the horizon and run even faster than before.

Why am I letting what she is telling me affect my running? Why am I allowing her to affect my running flow?

It's because I still haven't let her go. She is my friend, yes, but before that she was and I think still very important to me. A lot of things happened, and she told me that she wanted to just stay as friends because of everything that happened. My mind and body agreed with her wish, but only now realize that my heart never truly let her go.

Now this does not mean that I will cut ties with her completely, because she is still a wonderful person and a good friend. But this does mean that I have to just accept that she does not want to be with me any more. So when my heart accepted this, I was starting to run better. My mind was clearer during races. I was able to run with more passion that I had in a long time. I was running with all my mind, body... and heart. I could finally give my all to what I have loved since I was little, and surpass the limits set in front of me..

So to the girl that told me that "You can't do it." I will miss you. Thank you for the wonderful times we got to spend together and for being the light of my life for a while. And for now, I will leave you be.

- Anonymous