The What ifs

I am a perfectionist. When it comes to running, I want to do everything that I can from track workouts to strength training to my diet perfectly so that I can perform perfectly. However, that's not how the real world works. There are days when you aren't hitting your time interval at practice, when you put off an ab workout until right before bed and you get "too tired", when you go for the greasy foods instead of the leafy greens, and when you "just don't feel like it". There are also times when you get injured or you are not in the best health and you see your goals start to fade away as you think of "what if" I would've done this to prevent that. These are the times when it seems like it will all just fall apart and the "what if's" seem to take over, but it's a part of running, and sometimes it makes you love running just a little bit more. After all, if the sport came easily, it wouldn't be the same. I live for the sweat, pain, and tears that result in the celebrations, joys, and accomplishments. This is my story on how I have learned to overcome my "what if's".

My freshman year of high school, I was having the time of my life running wise. Everything went well that season. My team had won our school's first ever girl's state championship, and the boy's won their second. I placed 13th. It was an incredible feeling. Coming back my sophomore year, I was ready to do it all over again. However, I was not feeling like myself in practices or meets. I felt like I needed to walk during races. I was so confused, scared, and frustrated all at the same time - was it allergies? was it my asthma? what if I wasn't working hard enough? what if I would never run the same as I used to? Soon enough, I found out the best-worst news I could've heard. I had low iron. Something was actually chemically unbalanced; it wasn't something I could have prevented. I had low ferritin levels, which is very common for female athletes. My levels were at a 3, and a healthy range for a female runner is usually around 40 or more. Iron supplements were not making much of a difference to increase my iron, so I received 3 iron infusions. Literally days after my infusions, I finally felt like myself again. My team finished out the season with a runner-up finish at state, and I finished as the top non-senior in 6th place. I was already setting my goals high for my junior year season, hoping to maybe finish on top not only as a team but also individually at the state meet. Junior year rolled around, and I was running more than I ever had during the summer. The season started just as well as I had hoped. I was winning most of my races and so was my team. Then, it seemed to all come crashing down right before our post-season started. I had pain in my foot and soon found out that I had a stress-reaction that was on the verge of becoming a fracture if I continued to run on it. I never thought I would be the one to have an injury besides the minor aches and pains. I was wrong. I wondered what I did wrong. Would this still have happened if I would have done those strength exercises more? what if I would have eaten better? what if I would have worn different shoes? I had to keep myself in check; there was no time to think about the "what if's". This is where I was. It was 4 weeks until the state meet, and according to the internet, that was the minimum time this type of injury takes to heal. I hung on to that small piece of hope. I was either in the pool, on the elliptical, or on a bike almost every single day until the state meet when I would finally be able to run for the first time in weeks. The weeks before the state meet, a part of me was fearful. I didn't know what I would be capable of and if I was doing enough to keep my fitness level high. I didn't know if I should adjust my goals. I decided I just needed to be fearless. If I ran without fear and gave it my absolute all, that would be a feat itself, whether that resulted in accomplishing my original goal or not. It was a tough 4 weeks to get through, but my teammates, coach, and faith gave me the strength I needed. I ended up placing 21st, which was tough to accept when I thought back to all the work I had done leading up to that day. However, I do feel like I ran fearless that day, and I could not have done it without my team. One of my teammates even encouraged me to stay strong when she passed me during the race which meant more to me than she knew. As a team, we took home our second state championship in 3 years. It was so amazing to be a part of something so incredible a second time. It is through times like these when I remember what this sport is all about. It is so easy to get caught up in times, places, etc., but this sport is about way more than a clock. It is about discovering more about yourself, about friendships, and about always being ready to come back stronger than you were before. It is not about the "what if's", it is about taking your circumstance and making the most you can out of it. It is said best by one of my favorite quotes, "A minor setback paves the way for a major comeback".

- Jordan Harmon ( jordanxc16 )