How Running Saved My Life - Coping with a Mental Disorder.
"You will never know your limits unless you push yourself to them." Hello, my name is Claudia and I am 15 years old. I have been a runner for approximately four years now. You may be wondering what I meant in the title. Readers, let's take a journey back to seventh grade. Shall we?
As a shy girl, I didn't have a lot of friends in seventh grade. I had a troubling past, including physical and mental abuse. My father was a deaf Olympian, but I didn't see the passion of running as he had. I never exercised. I never ate healthy. I was considered overweight. Most of the time, I was depressed but I never let it show in school. However, in the spring of seventh grade, someone noticed me. My gym teacher noticed how I ran during PE. She eventually talked to me and suggested that I sign up for outdoor track. She said that I had a natural running shape. Back then, I hated sports. I hated exercising. I didn't take my gym teacher seriously at first. Overtime, I begun to seriously considering to sign up for track. Eventually, I did and that was the best decision I ever had made in my entire life.
At the beginning of modified outdoor track, it was extremely difficult for me. My body wasn't accustomed to exercising on a daily basis. I was extremely slow and was sore for weeks. Needless to say, I hated it. However, as the season moved on, I started to become better. I started to drop pounds. I started to fall in love with running. I loved the feeling of accomplishing a race at the end. I loved the feeling of pain of a hard workout. It saved me. When I was going through a difficult time, which happened on a daily basis, I would just go running. Running was my escape from reality.
In May 2017, I was diagnosed with depression. My whole world collapsed. I would become so depressed for no particular reasons. My mom didn't know why I wasn't being myself. I became so suicidal that it were all I could think about for weeks. I stopped running. I stopped talking to my friends. I stopped being myself and just drowned in my own darkness. A few months later, I started to improve by running. I was able to cope with depression by working out. Even going out for a 30 minutes run could make a huge difference. To this day, I still have depression and I am still struggling with staying alive but every time I run, I remind myself that I am still here and that I am worthy.
If you're just like me, just know that you are NOT alone. It is okay if you don't feel like going running on a bad day. Don't give yourself a hard time, no human is perfect. I understand your pain and I know the struggles of trying to stay alive when you feel like you are not worthy. Encourage yourself to run. Even for ten minutes. It could make a huge change in your mood. I don’t know if I would still be here today if I didn’t sign up for modified track in seventh grade. Keep running. Don’t give up the passion. You can fight the demons in your head. Thank you for reading my story, I just wanted to inspire people to keep fighting by running. (:
- @claudialooks ( Claudia Smistek )
