Why not me?
“Why not you?” These are the three words that my coach kept telling me during the 5k on day 2 of the CCAC conference meet. We were packed up well going through 3k and I felt pretty good, I thought, “Why not me?” The fact that I was still in that race with was a surprise to me. It was a very tactical race and I dreaded it the whole day leading up to it. The previous day I raced my first ever 10k and I felt horrible that whole day. From the end of my 10k to the start of my 5k, I had less than 22 hours. It may seem like a lot, but it isn’t. My legs were hurting, my stomach didn’t take any food that I ate after my 10k well, and my mind was beating myself up thinking I could’ve pushed harder in that race, while being afraid of what was to come in the 5k, so I really didn’t sleep well whatsoever. My whole life I ran afraid; afraid to hurt and afraid that my body wouldn’t be able to take anymore. Racing that 5k wasn’t any different. I was afraid to go with the pack. I answered the question with fear and, in retrospect, I know I had a lot more to give. Looking at this race a few weeks after it happened, I realize that my issue of living in fear isn’t just in running, it’s something that haunts my whole being. I’m too afraid to ask out the girl I actually like, I’m too afraid to ask for help with my mental health, I’m afraid to put myself out there, and so many more things…
I keep asking why I’m like this? Why I can’t overcome my fears? Why does this have to be who I am? But the real question is the three words my coach told me: why not me? I’m obviously doing something right if I’m running in college and thriving in my academics. I had to put myself out there to be able to do this. Why do I only let somethings scare me? I fully know I’m afraid of rejection, but I still put myself out there sometimes even if I know that it might not work out. This is a question that we should all be asking ourselves: Why not me?
I’m taking this question with me this year in everything I do. I can’t grow into the best version of myself in anything if I don’t ask this question. We all need to be asking this question moving forward and apply it to our lives. Whether it comes to running, the person we like, the job we want, the promotion we’re longing for, or whatever else it may be. I’m committing to fighting for this. To grow in my ability and compete for my conference titles and to compete in every race I’m in, to get the highest grades I can, to ask out that girl I’ve had a crush on for the longest time, and to do whatever else life throws my way. Sam Parsons of Tinman Elite has my favorite quote that applies so well here, “Sick of being mediocre.”
So, let me ask you this: “Why Not You?”
- Matt Jung (@mattyj_runs)
